How to Reframe Holiday Loneliness

A Harvard study found that the loneliness epidemic is affecting one in every five adults in the United States. For many, the holiday season exacerbates this sense of isolation and loneliness. 

“Because of the artificial ideals around the holidays—the concept that this period is ‘supposed to’ be about family, togetherness, kindness, generosity and gratitude—the stress of loneliness and family disconnection becomes particularly acute,” acclaimed author and speaker Dr. Dain Heer explains. 

Dr Heer encourages everyone to reframe any holiday loneliness they might be experiencing into holiday solitude. By reappraising solitude and focusing on its benefits, individuals can transform their alone time into a positive experience. 

According to Dr Heer, our perspective can be our greatest challenge when loneliness shows up in our world. It can also be our greatest ally. He provides the following advice for dealing with holiday disconnect:  

Acknowledge it is a stressful time of the year: First, admit that the holidays are a stressful time of the year for many people and that you are not alone. Don’t try to convince yourself that you are happy. Instead acknowledge your stress. By acknowledging it, you can change it. 

Change your point of view (leave the holiday myth at the door): There was a time when Dr. Heer felt like the loneliest person in the world during the holidays–everyone else seemed to be on the same wavelength—the one with jingle bells, sparkly angels and mistletoe, but he felt different and that translated into being utterly alone. When loneliness shows up in our world, we are trained to look for why. But settling on an explanation or deciding on a reason for loneliness will ensure that you stay lonely. Why? Because your point of view creates your reality. Reality does not create your point of view. Another way of saying this is: what you decide is so, will be so. 

Make being alone a positive experience: If you are alone over the holidays, ask yourself, “What can I do to make this the greatest holiday of my life? What can I learn about me that I have never explored before? What can I do? Where can I go that would be fun for me?” Reappraising solitude can turn it into an opportunity for personal growth and relaxation. 

Be aware of learned behaviors: In the situations where you get stressed ask, “Who am I being right now?” Why? Because many of us respond to situations in our lives in a way that we learned to respond, not in a way that would be natural for us. In other words, as kids we learn to mimic the people around us, either parents, friends or others. If you want to break the cycle, ask this question. You may find you come up with an answer that surprises you. When you realize you’re not really you, it’s a lot easier. 

Deciding you’re not going to be lonely this holiday season might not magically take away the empty feeling inside. However, make it a point to keep yourself busy, give back to others and make the most of your precious time here on earth. These positive actions will help you enjoy the season more than you otherwise would and you might even find yourself fulfilled.